Cornelius Codes LLC

Premium experimental hardware to solve problems we intentionally created.

Air Phones

£2

Beams audio directly into your skull via unregulated frequencies. Wires are for peasants. Side effects may include picking up live Chicago Cubs radio broadcasts through your dental fillings.

Order
Now

Air Sight Pro

$1.00

We courageously removed the windshield, the steering wheel, and the brakes to save weight. Just stare blankly into the distance and let our Full Self-Crashing beta take over. It’s our most expensive safety recall yet.

Order
Now

Air Stream

$MKT PRICE

Experience the pure zen of our zero-emissions lie. Powered by a hidden two-stroke lawnmower engine. Requires a $79/month subscription just to unlock your turn signals. Dealership aggressively not included.

Order
Now

Air Void Max

6 zł

The ultimate secure glovebox ecosystem. Simply place your car title inside, and a spontaneous, over-the-air EV battery fire ensures the documents instantly cease to exist. Comes standard with a mandatory 'Market Adjustment' markup. Pure magic.

Order
Now
[Proceeds Disclaimer]

169% of the proceeds raised by the sale of these products will go to a worthwhile charity of our choosing. It's mostly just a slush fund to buy back our own stock, but we did pet a stray dog once.

[Security and Shipping]

To ensure security and streamline operations based on the complex principles of federalism, Cornelius Codes LLC only ships items to the verified billing address associated with the credit card used for purchase. By proceeding with a purchase, you acknowledge and agree that your order will be delivered solely to your billing address in a heavily vibrating, unmarked burlap sack to protect your privacy and alarm your postal worker.